But I don’t mind but I’m not surprised to find that you do
I’m not surprised to find that you do. I know you do.
And I feel find but I know the same does not apply to you.
I know the same does not apply to you.
So I guess that I’ll curl up and die too.
- Curl Up And Die/ Relient K

I keep thinking that I’m falling in and out of sadness.

I toyed with using ‘depression’ for a bit but I don’t know if that’s the right word. I mean, if I was truly depressed, it’d mean that there’s nothing out there that could turn me around even for a while. But that’s a lie. Because I’ve got LJ and Twitter. I know, what a sad fuck. But that’s it. That’s who I am. I’m terribly dependent on the internet and I struggle with real life social situations. Yeah, why the hell did I choose the film industry? IT’S TIME TO GET OUT.

“I keep thinking that I’m falling in and out of sadness.”

Right.

But that’s a lie again. Because I don’t think I’ve actually found a way out. I’m just… there. The feelings just there. A fixed point, like a nail pushing down on the fabric of emotions and look at me there lifting and twisting time-travel terminology to my liking into my journal. I’m sorry if that sentence has got you lost. But nevermind. I find it hard to understand myself, most days.

I wrote a script by the way. It’s terribly depressing because it has a happy ending. I’m not sure if I like it. Or if I’m too narcissistic to ever hate it.